Hi Team,
First, I was just catching up on some news and saw this article on SF gate... isn't necessary to read the whole thing, but the message really hit home. "Because life is not dress rehersal, it makes no sense not to do what you love with the people you care about." I couldn't have said it more clearly myself.
Also, Mom bought me a no-cookie and I love them. I may be an addict... thank God I have to climb up a hill to get to whole foods (granted only a 2.5 block hill, but still) to get more of them. Anyhow, they are vegan but delicious and I highly encourage all of you to try them - no wheat, no dairy, no refined sugar just pure tastiness. My personal favorite so far is the chocolate chip variety but of course that's because it has chocolate.
Love,
Amy
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
This is supposed to get easier right?
Hi Team,
Well today is the day I get chemo infusion #2 of six. I have to keep reminding myself that this whole process is doing more benefit than it is doing harm. It just seems so against my basic survival instincts to sit there in a chair and have toxic chemicals infused into my blood stream. Chemicals that the average person makes a concerted effort to stay away from, and chemicals that I know will make me feel like shit, have barely enough energy to walk a few blocks, make my body so sore it feels like I got hit by a bus, and drive my immune system down to nothing. It is doing more benefit than detriment. Just keep repeating it. I guess last time I was nervous but didn't really know how the side affects would be for me, and now I know so it is harder for me to go in and let them do it.
Hopefully this time will be better though - we are adding nuepogen, which will supposedly add a lot of bone pain on top of my muscle pain, but I also have percocet to help manage the pain now. So let's see how this time goes.
Love,
Amy
Well today is the day I get chemo infusion #2 of six. I have to keep reminding myself that this whole process is doing more benefit than it is doing harm. It just seems so against my basic survival instincts to sit there in a chair and have toxic chemicals infused into my blood stream. Chemicals that the average person makes a concerted effort to stay away from, and chemicals that I know will make me feel like shit, have barely enough energy to walk a few blocks, make my body so sore it feels like I got hit by a bus, and drive my immune system down to nothing. It is doing more benefit than detriment. Just keep repeating it. I guess last time I was nervous but didn't really know how the side affects would be for me, and now I know so it is harder for me to go in and let them do it.
Hopefully this time will be better though - we are adding nuepogen, which will supposedly add a lot of bone pain on top of my muscle pain, but I also have percocet to help manage the pain now. So let's see how this time goes.
Love,
Amy
Friday, April 23, 2010
First week DOWN
Hi Team,
Ok so it's not a whole week yet but I'm counting this as my first week because I say so. I am still really really sore today, mom suggested it might be from my menopause symptoms but man my back is sore, who knows what its from! The nice nurse Anna from Dr. Liu's office called me to see how I was doing today~ when I told her I had gotten sharp pains down my arm from the IV site for the next few days, I had to go in to get that checked out as I guess that's not a normal symptom. They said everything is fine and it's just my vein getting irritated from the chemicals. I'm irritated too, ha! They gave me a few tips (drink water, use a heating pad) to avoid it, but it may just happen every time we'll see.
I have about gotten to the point now where I'm sick of talking about how I feel and am hoping that the Saturday (tomorrow) will be the turning point of when I start feeling more energetic.
My revelation for last night was that this is going to be a fun/challenging time of reflecting on my life and really seriously thinking about what it is that I want to do in life. As opposed to doing what is expected of me in life, which I have always done. There may be some overlap, but this is one of those experiences that bears the privelidge and weight of some serious introspection and freedom to act on it. Although it seems very unlucky to go through cancer and chemo at age 28, I do think that it's a very very fortunate thing to have the kind of experience that allows you to live life for what you WANT to live it at the age of 28 rather than in your 50's and you've already done all this stuff you didn't want to.
On that note I have also posted a pic from my trip to Japan in 2007, found it along the road, walking to my guest house in Kyoto for the night. Not sure if I originally took the pic because I liked the quote or was just so thrilled to have some english I could read :)
Love,
Amy
Ok so it's not a whole week yet but I'm counting this as my first week because I say so. I am still really really sore today, mom suggested it might be from my menopause symptoms but man my back is sore, who knows what its from! The nice nurse Anna from Dr. Liu's office called me to see how I was doing today~ when I told her I had gotten sharp pains down my arm from the IV site for the next few days, I had to go in to get that checked out as I guess that's not a normal symptom. They said everything is fine and it's just my vein getting irritated from the chemicals. I'm irritated too, ha! They gave me a few tips (drink water, use a heating pad) to avoid it, but it may just happen every time we'll see.
I have about gotten to the point now where I'm sick of talking about how I feel and am hoping that the Saturday (tomorrow) will be the turning point of when I start feeling more energetic.
My revelation for last night was that this is going to be a fun/challenging time of reflecting on my life and really seriously thinking about what it is that I want to do in life. As opposed to doing what is expected of me in life, which I have always done. There may be some overlap, but this is one of those experiences that bears the privelidge and weight of some serious introspection and freedom to act on it. Although it seems very unlucky to go through cancer and chemo at age 28, I do think that it's a very very fortunate thing to have the kind of experience that allows you to live life for what you WANT to live it at the age of 28 rather than in your 50's and you've already done all this stuff you didn't want to.
On that note I have also posted a pic from my trip to Japan in 2007, found it along the road, walking to my guest house in Kyoto for the night. Not sure if I originally took the pic because I liked the quote or was just so thrilled to have some english I could read :)
Love,
Amy
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A day off
Had a nice day today, no cancer to-do's. Went to see hot tub time machine which made me laugh, but please don't spend your money on it at the theater. Really bad. I did read a lot of the book 'Crazy Sexy Cancer' which I highly recommend if you or someone very close to you has to go through this.
Today I practiced embracing what the Breast Care Coordinator at Kaiser told me the other day - anything and everything you feel, as long as it's not homocidal or suicidal, is totally normal.
One thing I was musing on is in the process of telling people about the cancer, I have gotten a lot of passing comments about how sad it is that stuff like this happens to good people. While I agree, I think we as a culture tend to look at things a little backwards in this sense. We think people are either good or bad, and then as a result things happen to them accordingly (or don't). I think it may be more accurate to say that things happen (or don't) and what people do with that is what makes them into who they are.... so really, although this may look like something bad happening to a good person, it's really just something random happening to a random person, in order for me to take this experience and make myself a better, more loving and accepting person. It's what you do with it afterward that counts, not what you were before it happened.
As I told my Mandy friends in Chicago on the phone the other day, with all the shit I have had to go through (and will go through), I can't wait to meet me when I'm older - I bet I'm really awesome. :)
Love,
Amy
Today I practiced embracing what the Breast Care Coordinator at Kaiser told me the other day - anything and everything you feel, as long as it's not homocidal or suicidal, is totally normal.
One thing I was musing on is in the process of telling people about the cancer, I have gotten a lot of passing comments about how sad it is that stuff like this happens to good people. While I agree, I think we as a culture tend to look at things a little backwards in this sense. We think people are either good or bad, and then as a result things happen to them accordingly (or don't). I think it may be more accurate to say that things happen (or don't) and what people do with that is what makes them into who they are.... so really, although this may look like something bad happening to a good person, it's really just something random happening to a random person, in order for me to take this experience and make myself a better, more loving and accepting person. It's what you do with it afterward that counts, not what you were before it happened.
As I told my Mandy friends in Chicago on the phone the other day, with all the shit I have had to go through (and will go through), I can't wait to meet me when I'm older - I bet I'm really awesome. :)
Love,
Amy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)