Hi All,
Had a rough weekend and last couple of days trying to mentally preparing for surgery. Got back from my latest adventure to Portland last Thursday, and last Friday, Anthony and I broke up. Not going to go into a whole lot of detail on this other than to say it has caused me a whole lot of sadness and just overall disappointment and a feeling of great loss. I am trying my best to focus all my mental energy on being positive and healing for my body, but it's a great challenge right now.
Tomorrow I'm having a bilateral (both sides) mastectomy with tissue expanders. This means they will go in and take out both of my breasts, and put temporary implants behind my pectoral muscles, which will be pumped up over time as implants. Eventually, 6-9mos from now, I will have another surgery to have the final permanent implants put in. My surgery starts at 11:45am tomorrow morning and I'm supposed to go the hospital at 9:30am. They always make you take all your clothes off and put on this thin gown, then wait for a really long time in a freezing cold room. I'm bringing a jacket. The surgery should be about 4 hours long, and I will be in the hospital for one night. They will also be doing a lymph node biopsy to make sure that the cancer has not spread to my lymph nodes, but the expectation is that it has not. We'll know for sure tomorrow, and the final pathology report comes back a week from tomorrow, telling us how much cancer they found and if they got good, clean margins around the tissue they remove.
I'm nervous. I've never been under general anesthesia and I'm a little afraid of where my mind will take me since I haven't been the most stable person mentally lately. But, I'm hoping regardless of where it goes, I will not remember it... that's the hope anyway.
Thank you for all your love and prayers tomorrow.
Best,
Amy
Jesus Amy, I am so fricking sorry. Just remember, this is an incredibly trying time for you and Anthony, and the state of mind you are both in right now is not "normal." I know that after you are healed from you surgery you guys might be in a better place to revisit your relationship. Just focus on the day by day for now. Scouts honor, for me the mastectomy was a piece of cake compared to radiation. It isn't that bad . . . The nurses are going to SUCK compared to your chemo nurses. They left me vomiting for 10 hours after my surgery when they could have given me an anti nausea. If you have a problem (vomiting, itchiness from the morphine, whatever) DEMAND a solution. I know you are weak and tired and they are supposed to take care of you, but they don't cause they are so busy. Oh, and get up and walk as soon as you can. You will feel like a little old man, but it will speed your recovery. THINKING OF YOU SO MUCH TODAY!!! Love, and aloha, Dana
ReplyDeleteAmy, I wish words could tell you how proud of you we are and how much we love you. I'm so glad your mom is there. One person's experience may be different from another. I had no nausea following my surgery. I will be thinking and praying for you honey. God bless you with His peace and protection. Love, dad
ReplyDeleteAmy, I'm wishing you a speedy recovery and I'm glad this step is nearly over. Much love!
ReplyDeleteAmy, I've been thinking of you and praying for you. Wishing you recover soon! Love you very much!
ReplyDelete*sigh* That is a sigh of relief which we are all feeling now. (heart)
ReplyDeleteAmy. I am so sorry that you are going through this. My girlfriend too broke up with me after the completion of the treatment. Like Dana said, it is certainly hard for both of you to be under such stress and uncertainty. It is not fair to deal with much a life changing experience at young age. To be honest, I still have hard time understanding why my gf decided to take her path but I know that caregiver goes through a lot as well. Keep your head up and let's keep fighting.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman Amy...so thankful that you are cancer free....we all send you love and aloha from Hawaii. Carole
ReplyDelete